Imaginary Light
by Runic Knight
Summary: [Complete] On the night of Kyou's transformation, no one was sitting idle as Akito lost his control of his 'possessions'. Many people, cursed or not, have their impact on the night - for better and for worse.
1. happiness is not meant for us

**Imaginary Light**  
happiness is not meant for us

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_Perspective is everything. What happened on the night of Kyou's transformation? When there is no where else to go, you can always find a source of healing. It just takes that effort to go and look for it. If you are willing to make a sacrifice, there's something you can do. Always. Where is the light we desire?_

**Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within**

Tencho-san - Boss   
Onee-chan - Sister   
Ojii-san - Grandfather   
Okaa-san - Mother

________________________

**Session 00 - Prologue - Like Caged Birds**

Our lives are living nightmares. One by one, we wait for our days to be over once the realization that we cannot do anything better with our lives hits us. We thirteen will live our lives like caged birds, away from anyone who can 'hurt' us.

That was what we were taught to believe since our birth. Being a cursed family, one could only wish that someone could free us from the clutches of our 'god.' That perfect person we dream of cannot possibly exist. We have experienced so much pain already, how could anything possibly change that? Fate is against us.

Little miracles tempt us, making us believe that we too can be normal. Just like everyone else, but different because of our secret. We are shown a glimmer of hope, but then that dream is drastically pulled away from us. That's how it has always been for centuries, and this cycle cannot be stopped. We will never be accepted for the people that we are inside by an outsider.

Maybe we've been wrong. Maybe we can still be healed.

**Session 01 - Kyou - The Outcast**

_"Your beads, you're wearing them, right?"_

"Let me see them."

"Don't go out there!"

"I want you all for my own, don't let them look at you."

Don't look at me. How can you say that? Those are only the words that a mother is supposed to say to her son. These words aren't real. How could they be, when the words are said to a cursed cat.... 

_"I love you so much. I love you more than anyone else."_

"Always know that your mother loved you best."

Tohru's going to see me! I know it. As I stand here in the pouring rain with Kazuma, I know that she will come out; she's going to find out soon enough. My beads, they're going to be taken, just like how Akito did....

_"There's that cursed child again. Where is his mother?"_

"Don't go outside again!"

"Your beads..."

"You're my little precious son."

"I love you."

"That smell... it's disgusting."

"Those beads on his wrist..."

Don't look at me! You shouldn't have had to check, you should have trusted me to wear it. 

_"I love you the most."_

This can't be happening.

**Session 02 - Kagura - Hold My Hand**

When I was young, there was always one person whom I always respected. He was my hero, although he often seemed to be afraid of me. Maybe I was too assertive with him; I was older than he was by two years. But I can't help but wonder what more there was to him.

I was upset; no one had come to help me when I needed it. He understood me when no one else did. Kyou held out his hand to me, and with that small gesture I knew that he would always be special to me.

My hand in his, we walked back to the main house together.

We were both cursed children, of course. The curse always seemed to be the source of our problems, but I still love him with all my heart. I asked him to marry me, and he agreed! ...After a little persuasion from myself, of course. It had nothing to do with the boulder that I held over him, I'll have you know. He was a very important part of the zodiac, even if he didn't truly belong with us; I had no idea at the time.

The beads came off when we were very young, taken away from him by Akito. I could only stare at the form which appeared from Kyou's body. The side of him which I had never seen. It did frighten me at first, but I could still see him for the boy that I loved. So I ran to him, but I wasn't cursed so it didn't help. My acceptance of him didn't seem to make a difference. How could have I helped him more? 

The only way that I can help now, is to let him go.

It hurts. But I'll watch him go to Tohru, even if this pain is very real.

I will still have held his hand for all of these years, and that is enough.

**Session 03 - Yuki - Tormented**

I stand in the house where I live with Shigure, Kyou, and Tohru. The place that I consider a haven. This is my sanctuary, where I am free from Akito's watchful eyes. I am grateful that I was able to escape, even if this is a temporary comfort. To be able to live with family who care for my well-being, it is truly a blessing. Maybe this has all been a dream. I've come to an understanding about the people who are around me; I no longer fear to get closer to people. It was Honda-san who taught me leave the cool shell that I had grown accustomed to over the years, she led me down the path hand-in-hand as the freezing snow melted.

I can only stare out the window into the dark world that lies outside. Master Kazuma is out there with Kyou; I know what is coming, I have seen this side of Kyou before. 

The rain pelts the roof. It almost sounds as if it may break through at any moment.

The depressing atmosphere surrounds the house. The air seems tense, and with good reason, too. All I can do is sit and wait, just like when I was young.

I sat in the corner of a dark room, simply waiting for the worst to happen. Those were the days when I couldn't smile, because I knew that I was his. Akito's. His little mouse, who he was free to play with as much as he pleased.

That feeling of knowing that someone terrible was about to occur as I wait at this very moment, it is the very same that I had felt back then. The isolation, it hurts. Maybe if I close my eyes....

No one helped me then, until finally Shigure managed to convince Akito to allow me to live at his home. I still do not know how this happened, but it was such a relief. And now I can smile, because of those around me. 

Yes, even the stupid cat, who is out there in the rain tonight. Although I have always hated him, I find myself running out there after him. But more for her, Honda-san. No, that's not right. Tohru-san. Even Kagura is willing to give up the one she loves. I run as fast I can to find where the cat has gone. For wherever he is, Tohru will also be there.

Don't let me be too late.

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**Author Notes:**   
Chapter 1, Sessions 00 - 03; Uploaded June 25th 2003.   
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.


	2. every action causes change

**Imaginary Light**  
every action causes change

________________________

**Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within**

Tencho-san - Boss   
Onee-chan - Sister   
Ojii-san - Grandfather   
Okaa-san - Mother

________________________

**Session 04 - Hatori - Letting Go**

_"It's finally spring! This is my favourite season, how about yours?"_

"My name is Sohma Kana, I'm very pleased to meet you. It's a little awkward, being related, yet not knowing each other."

"Look at the snow that's falling! Isn't it wonderful?"

"Do you know what the snow becomes when it melts?"

I finally know. It becomes something that I cannot hold in my hand anymore. I can hold out my hand for the flakes to collect in my hand, but those tiny unique flakes, they have already melted on contact. Their lives have diminished because of the warmth I gave it.

_"You're wrong. It becomes spring, of course!"_

It's funny that your memories still give me hope, even during these depressing times, yet I still can't smile today. I can't smile until this is over.

_"I've been waiting for you, I got you a little present."_

"Oh, which is it? Fresh water, or salt water? Hatori, what do I do?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I had been wondering why you wouldn't let me embrace you."

"I love you."

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault. Everything is my fault."

I held you, a delicate snowflake, in my hand, and the happy Kana that I once knew melted away from me. Your memories of me had been erased by my own hand because of Akito's will.

It's nights like tonight which make me think of you. The rain is finally here, cleansing the earth and providing nourishment to the plants: young and old. Rain is the only way that the flowers will be able to bloom later in the season.

Tonight, the rain seems to be cascading off the roofs heavily; I won't be surprised if I'll have to mop up water that sometimes leaks into the hallway during downpours. A little water isn't what worries me. There is much more going on than this spring shower. A larger and more dangerous fire has been ignited.

Akito has already left the house, and I have been ordered to leave him to his own devices. This is one of the rare occasions where he has left the main house on his own in that old car of his. Usually he would just lie in his room, staying there until it was absolutely necessary to leave. I know only too well where he is going, for Kazuma had visited earlier in the week. I didn't mean to overhear, but that doesn't change the fact that I did. All I know is that it is time for Kyou to relive his nightmare.

Will the pure spring rain purge us of our wrongdoings? Cleanse us, gentle spring.

Now, there is nothing I can do.

**Session 05 - Ayame - To Have Nothing**

_"Yay! I got a compliment from Tencho-san!"_

"Yay! I gave my assistant a compliment!"

What a strange day today has been. It had been absolutely thrilling until I received a call from Hatori about five minutes ago. Mine and I had been having a touching conversation, and she was very helpful about my situation with my brother. I have a new idea on how I can get my brother Yuki and myself back on speaking terms again! Of course, it's a wonderfully amazing idea because I am the one who developed most of it! Ho ho. Mine did have a large part in it to, as she is my assistant, you know. And what an assistant she is, I'd be lost without her. But anyways, we worked on designing a set of costumes for a very special event coming up in our lives - marriage! I'm sure you saw that coming, even with the way I flirt with Gure-san and Tohru-kun. This was another thing that Mine and I were discussing today, our engagement. It'll be fabulous, especially since all the outfits for our ceremony will match, with all guests sporting.... 

Wait. I fear that I may be getting off track a little. Right, so Ha-san called, which was a big surprise, let me tell you. He usually doesn't call me, usually it's me calling him. Unless I'd been doing something that he deemed 'unnecessary.' Sigh. But for Ha-san, I don't mind stopping my antics. Today was a little different, usually Hatori is so calm and serious, but his voice sounded unsteady. He mumbled something about how Kyou would be getting out of control later on tonight. I'm not sure if this is a cryptic message, but really, he should have been more clear. I'm totally confused about the whole thing. Before I could even ask about it, he hung up on me! He's acting really strange today. I decided to call back, but there was no reply on the line. How rude, ne? I'll have to talk to Ha-san later about that. I don't really mind though, I'm sure he has his reasons. He always does.

I decided to call Shigure to see what he had to say about the entire thing. But, like Ha-san, there was no reply. Weird, I wonder if everyone's phone is out of service because of the storm? My store _ is _ in a different area then they are. Maybe that's why Ha-san hung up, he just got disconnected. Aww, I didn't get to talk to Gure at all today. Nor did I get to talk to my darling Yuki. Or even Tohru-kun, who's always a joy to talk to. It's scary when there's nothing, I hope I can contact them soon.

So, as I said earlier, today's been a strange day. Now, back to the simpler things in life, Mine's dress, it's going to be a pale green....

**Session 06 - Hatsuharu - Misjudged**

Somehow I found myself in the kitchen of the main house. I'm really not sure how I got there - I was originally going to head up to bed since I've been really tired all day, but after a tireless journey throughout the house, that's where I ended up.

I've really got to work on my concentration. Since I was already there, I decided to get something quick and easy to eat.

When I walked into the room, Hatori was using the phone that hangs on the wall. He didn't notice me until I started pouring cereal into a bowl at the table. He gave me a sharp look that told me to be quiet, or possibly to leave the room all together. It was a look of exasperation, one that screamed 'dumb cow!'. It does hurt, but that's what everyone thinks of me, and I can't change their opinions. Something makes me think that I will be scolded when he's done.

But the look on his normally stoic face - a mystery.

Well, it wasn't for long, I could hear him talking to someone - probably Ayame or Shigure by his tone of voice. He mentioned Kyou, and some other things which led me to believe that it was about his transformation. I'm no outcast on his situation, I know of his extreme curse from Kagura. It must mean that it's going to happen again, just like she described before.

I swiftly picked up my cereal bowl, then left the room. I wasn't going to stick around to wait for Hatori's lecture.

________________________

  
  


**Author Notes:**   
Chapter 2, Sessions 03 - 06; Uploaded June 25th 2003.   
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.


	3. a new type of conflict

**Imaginary Light**  
a new type of conflict

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**Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within**

Tencho-san - Boss   
Onee-chan - Sister   
Ojii-san - Grandfather   
Okaa-san - Mother

________________________

**Session 07 - Kisa - Silenced**

Living in this house sometimes gives me the creeps, but I can't tell anyone that. I wouldn't want to offend anyone living here, especially Akito. The weather was so dreary adding to the sombre atmosphere. I sat in one of the gathering rooms with my work spread out on the table. The television was on, but the volume was muted. Every five minutes or so a red screen with large words rolling across it would appear with a warning about the storm getting worse.

I didn't work for very long, I was interrupted by the sound of the sliding door. I looked up to see Haru come into the room. There was a bowl in his hands, which he placed beside my homework as he sat down beside me. He gave me a slight smile and then focussed on his meal. I continued working hard, but after writing a few sentences, I looked up to study the black and white haired boy beside me. His face was always difficult to read as it usually carried a blank expression. It looked like he was deep and thought. His expression changed slightly as he stared into the bowl as he ate; between bites he was wearing a loose frown.

He didn't notice me looking at him, so I said his name softly. Then he glanced at me from under his bangs and his blank expression reappeared. I was worried, but I didn't know whether I should voice my worry or not. I was scared that he might get angry at me - everyone always hated when I spoke at school. Things have changed for the better there, but I'm still afraid. But this was Haru, he would want me to speak....

I asked him what was wrong, and he seemed surprised. Maybe he didn't think that anyone would be able to see the conflicted emotions within him. I could see it. He let out a slow sigh, and after a few seconds of silence, he explained what he had overheard in the kitchen.

I wasn't quite sure what to say; Kyou was going to transform into something that I had never heard of. I knew that there was more to the curse that I had ever known, but something like that was... frightening. And what about the people around him? I started to worry even more.

I asked him a question about Onee-chan, Yuki, and Shigure-ojiisan, about what they could do to help and if they were in any danger. He told me that he didn't know what would happen, but he tried to assure me that everything would be alright. I'm sure he said that to try to get me to feel better, but I tried to believe him.

Finally, I asked him if he would be okay. He stared at me for some time without saying a word. He leaned towards me and wrapped me in a gentle hug, his eyes closed. 

Then he thanked me.

**Session 08 - Hiro - Jealousy**

I've been seeing Kisa happy a lot more lately. I'm trying to be a good prince to her, just like Tohru recommended. But if I can't become this prince, Tohru will owe me something. I'm not quite sure what yet, but I'll think of something.

I can't help but think that it's not me who is making her happy. I always see her smiling when she's with her 'big sister' so it's hard to tell. She's always around when I want to be with her alone, it's so aggravating. I bet that she thinks that we need supervision like children! But I can't find it in my heart to yell at her to go away, because I know that Kisa loves her. This is so hard, but I want to make Kisa happy badly.

I'll do anything for her, that's what a prince does. And this time around, I won't be a stupid child, like when I went and talked to Akito back then about Kisa. What I mistake I made.

Sometimes I watch Yuki to study the way he acts - he's considered to be a prince at school, I've heard from Haru. Though he does seem refined and elegant like a prince, I don't think I could ever live like him. He seems _ too _ kind for my liking, although him and Kyou argue just about everyday with childish insults.

I decided that I wanted to talk to her, so I picked up my homework for the night. We could work on it together since she had transferred into my class. I walked to the room that she normally worked in, and I noticed that she must have left the sliding door open.

I peered into the room, and saw, to my horror, Kisa and Haru in an embrace. My face burned in flushed anger. On a normal day, I would have run into the room and yelled at Haru with one of my famous speeches even if I were to invoke his Black side; I would have given him many things to think about like, how Kisa was three years younger than him and he was 'robbing the cradle', that it would be his fault if Kisa got a lousy mark on the work which had been left abandoned on the table, and that he was a disgrace to have even thought that he could come into the same room as her.

But I couldn't do it. Haru was facing away from me, and I could see Kisa's face which was leaning against his shoulder. With her eyes closed, she looked very peaceful. I had yelled at people who got too close to her before, and she always seemed disappointed with me. I clenched my fists at my sides, then slid the door closed without making a sound.

**Session 09 - Momiji - Forgotten**

I bounded down the stairs, looking for anyone to talk to. I was so bored, everyone seemed to have disappeared! Now that I thought about it, the house seemed a lot quieter than normal. I shrugged it off, and continued down to the kitchen. I peeked into the doorway, but I didn't stick around. Hatori was in there on the phone, and I didn't want to interrupt him. He doesn't really like it when I'm bothering him when he's trying to work. Oh, well.

I kept going on with my journey through the house. I decided to look for my cousin Haru, hoping that he was in a good mood.

Although I had the intention of finding Haru, I spotted Hiro first. He was staring inside a room, and then he walked away angrily. Half walking, half skipping, I ran up to meet him.

"Heya, Hiro!" I called out, ignoring the bothered look on his face.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy here? It'll be your fault if I don't get my homework done now." Hiro crossed his arms over his chest.

"Homework?" I asked, and he looked down to his hands, apparently thinking about something. He ran back to the door where several loose pieces of paper lay. He must have dropped them earlier.

"Yeah, leave me alone, I have things to do." He brushed by me, attempting to go up the stairs. I stopped him by grabbing onto the back of his shirt. I could tell that something was bugging him, and I wanted to help if I could. I asked what was wrong in my most serious of voices. He turned around and glared at me. His face softened in thought, and it almost looked like he was going to tell me. But then he laughed, the harsh frown reappearing; it was a laugh that clearly said 'why would I tell you?'.

"What makes you think that you know when something is wrong with me? And if there was, you couldn't do anything about it anyway, making this entire conversation useless. Let go of my shirt." His face looked more foul now. 

I stared at him, and then told him that I just wanted to help. 

He pulled himself away, freeing his shirt. "Just forget about it, Momiji." His tone was sharp.

I watched him walk off, but I wasn't going to forget. I didn't want to forget anything, even the most painful of memories.

_"Mommy doesn't remember me, no matter how much I love her. She just thinks that I'm someone else's kid."_

"My only regret is having that creature come out of my body. Let me forget!"

"If you let mommy forget about you, she'll be better. But daddy will love you twice as much, okay? Let's let her forget."

No matter what, I want to remember. The sadness in your life becomes apart of you. When you remember the sadness, in comparison, the happy days will be even more wonderful. Lush green grass looks refreshingly beautiful after the rain has darkened the soil, creating contrast.

No matter what. I will always remember.

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**Author Notes:**   
Chapter 3, Sessions 07 - 09; Uploaded June 25th 2003.   
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.


	4. outside of the chinese zodiac

**Imaginary Light**  
outside of the chinese zodiac

________________________

**Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within**

Tencho-san - Boss   
Onee-chan - Sister   
Ojii-san - Grandfather   
Okaa-san - Mother

________________________

**Session 10 - Ritsu - Apologies**

"I'm sorry about that! Really I am!" I bowed deeply to the store manager after dropping a carton of eggs in the grocery store. I hadn't meant to, I was just carrying quite a few things in my shopping basket, but there wasn't enough room so I had carried it under my arm as I headed to the checkout. The eggs crashed to the floor, creating a sticky, gummy mess on the floor. "I'll understand if I'll be banned from this store for a year for my mistake. I'm so sorry!" I sobbed in my feminine sounding voice, deeply regretting going to the store on my own. Mother said she would have gone with me, but I wanted to prove myself, so I told her to stay home. And I caused a mess. "I didn't mean it!"

_"It's not his fault, I apologize for our son's actions! Please forgive us for his behaviour!"_

"It's alright ma'am, really. One of our janitors can clean this up right away, don't worry, it's not a problem." The manager looked at me as a I caused a scene with my excessive apologies. "Ahem. Ma'am?"

I noticed that several customers were staring at me. I suddenly felt self-conscious, and I froze. "I _ am _ very sorry...." I said meekly, looking at the floor.

"Here, why don't you come and check out your groceries right now. We'll get you another dozen eggs, and I'll let you have it at half price, hm?" He led me to an empty cash register and checked out the goods. He led me to the door and I headed out to my car.

I had let Mother down again. Even in the clothes of a woman, I can't do it right. I'm a failure. I'm so sorry....

**Session 11 - Kazuma - Father Figure**

My son, I've put my son through so much all while trying to make amends for how I treated Grandfather. I have to take care of him, for Grandfather's sake. How I treated him wrongly. The small feisty child, so torn inside; it was, and still is, my duty.

That's what I always told myself, but I know that it is more than that. As we grew older together, he began to smile at me. He became a part of my existence, and his needs outweighed mine by a large margin. I was more than a teacher, I was a father. I hope that he will still see me that way after tonight.

This is the worst thing that I have other forced myself to do. The expression that the girl made when she saw his true form... it was heartbreaking.

The chances are smaller, I can sense her fear. His life may be ruined, but there is still hope.

She slowly walked away from Shigure's house in same direction that Kyou ran. She's going to go find him, if she can gather her courage from her source of inspiration.

He must accept her by the same amount that she accepts him. If he allows himself to be healed by her, it will be alright.

God help us.

**Session 12 - Shigure - Regret**

It wasn't supposed to be this way. In the past few hours, so much has changed. Yuki, Kyou and I should be sitting around the kitchen table talking about our day. Yuki would say that he was doing something important related to student counsel, and Kyou would take his words as an insult to his manhood. Yuki and Kyou would argue with each other, but then they would mysteriously stop fighting once Tohru came into the room. I would compliment my 'little flower' on a wonderful meal, say something perverted, and then be punched in the face for my actions. Just like always. But instead, the people within the house was silent and unmoving. It's changed.

I didn't want to let Tohru go off alone after Kyou. But I let it happen, and she walked off alone. I was still inside my house, sheltered from the events that were taking place in my own backyard. I didn't deserve such a luxury. She was an outsider to our family, and didn't have anything to do with this. She shouldn't have to be burdened with our family's dark history. I heard the back door open and the light pounding of feet running out onto the cement, which stopped once there was grass under the feet- Yuki had left the house to go after them. I could faintly hear Kagura talking to herself in the room beside me, mumbling something about her 'precious' Kyou.

I followed Yuki's suit, opening the door and heading out into the night. I ignored the soaked form of Kazuma and ran past him. I ignored the fact that my indoor slippers were going to be destroyed. I ignored everything except for one thing - Tohru. I ran until I could find her. I slowed down once I reached the woods so that I wouldn't trip.

I finally found her, but it was not a pretty sight - she was a mess. I couldn't help but stand and watch her for a few minutes, the reality of the situation didn't sink in. She was leaning over the trunk of a fallen tree, leaning one hand against the steady trunk of a tree which still stood. She had mud all over her, and her back was shaking. I shook my head as I watched her cry all alone. She suddenly let go of the tree and leaned into the fallen tree further as she started to throw up in shock.

My feet acted as if they were cemented to the ground, I rarely get scared like this. Usually I pretend to get scared to see a reaction from Kyou or Tohru, but this fear was real. Beams of light flickered over her from the headlights of a car. The lights turned off, and so did the motor of the car which projected it. Out came the thin figure of Akito, the clan head. He shut the door with a loud thud, which startled Tohru, but she didn't stand up. He walked slowly from the car towards her until he finally sat down on the fallen tree beside her.

"Poor thing," was all he could muster up, said in a tone of mock pity. He leaned over and took a close look at her face, which was stained with tears and dirt. "How awful. They really thought that someone like you could save us." The tight smile on his face widened into a cruel grin. He sat and watched her struggle, apparently pleased with the turn of events. "You deserve this."

My feet finally started to follow my directives. I took a few steps forward, bringing myself into his field of vision. I called his name in a serious yet almost desperate tone of voice that I've never heard myself use before. He looked up to me, startled. His grin was replaced with a small smile, and he gazed back at Tohru. "This is what happens when you try to interfere. Go home."

He walked off and returned to his car. As quickly as he had come, he was gone.

"Home," Tohru whispered as she stared at the forest floor. It was Sohma land, a place where she could never belong.

"Tohru, I'm sorry," I said, falling to my knees, not caring about the thick mud. Tears formed at my eyes. "I thought that you could.... You still can, we've got to end this! I know you can."

She got to her feet, and walked away from me. She mumbled something incoherently and left. All I could do was watch her walk out of my vision. "I'm so, so sorry, Tohru-kun."

**Session 13 - Hanajima - Watchful Eyes**

Wearing my heaviest cloak, I walked towards Kyoko's grave with Arisa. She kept on asking me why I wanted to come out to visit her grave in this bad weather. I couldn't give her an answer that she could understand. Something was calling me out to that place, electric waves that needed my attention. If I didn't get out there, who would? There were a lot of ominous signals in the air which were worrying me greatly; someone was going to get hurt.

Uotani Arisa stared at me in disbelief. She couldn't believe that she had actually followed me here. She sighed in exasperation after she asked why once again and receive the same obscure reply. She was about to argue some more, but I wasn't paying her any attention. Instead, I stopped walking and stared ahead of me. Arisa followed my gaze to Kyoko's stone grave marker. Lying by it in a crumpled heap, Tohru was crying. She wanted to be as close to her mother as she could possibly be, looking for her kind words and strength. Akito wanted her to go home, but this was all there was left. Home.

Arisa was shocked, and she ran as fast as her legs could carry her towards Tohru. She didn't look up at her blonde friend, she was crying too hard into the stone. I followed Arisa closely, and pulled her away from Tohru as she tried to comfort her.

I told her that we couldn't hold her and comfort her like we wanted, but Arisa ignored me. She spun away from me and bent down to talk to her again. Angered, I pushed her onto the ground with all of my powers. The waves were getting stronger, I could feel it. This was the way it had to be.

"Tohru, just go! Please!" I called out to Tohru and I explained that she had something that only she was meant to do. Arisa stared at me for a few seconds from her place on the wet dirt. She ran out, declaring that she was going to be there when Tohru needed her, and attacked me. I, too, fell to the ground. I yelled again, imploring Tohru to go where she was needed. "Get up! Go, please!" She looked up from her mother's grave towards me, and then back at the stone again. I got up and held Arisa still; I would never let anyone hinder Tohru. Painstakingly, Tohru stood on wobbly legs, as if she hadn't done such a simple thing in years. The wet mud dripped down her legs, and I noticed that she had lost her shoe somewhere. But she walked, and headed back into the forest from whence she came.

I couldn't hold back anymore. I sobbed into my dress, letting go of Arisa and falling back to the ground. Supporting myself by my arms, I let my tears fall from my face and into the layer of water on the surface of the grass.

Arisa stared at me in disbelief, but I didn't care. I did the best I could do to ensure Tohru's safety. I prayed for her life to the Gods, and I knew that she would be alright.

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**Author Notes:**   
Chapter 4, Sessions 10 - 13; Uploaded June 25th 2003.   
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.


	5. choosing a new path

**Imaginary Light**  
choosing a new path

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**Prelude // Japanese Language Used Within**

Tencho-san - Boss   
Onee-chan - Sister   
Ojii-san - Grandfather   
Okaa-san - Mother

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**Session 14 - Tohru - The Dream**

I was in a daze, I didn't really understand what was going on around me. All I knew was the bitter truth: Okaa-san isn't coming back to help me. I went to visit her to find out where I belong now that Akito has said that I can no longer stay with Shigure and the others. I have to go home, and my family is no longer mine. I suppose we should never have been a family in the first place, but I've grown to love them all.

Even Akito.

But now where is the home that I desire? Oh, Okaa-san.... I tried, I really did, I tried to change myself for this family, but I've brought nothing but a burden to all of them. And to Kyou, he needs me more than ever. I'm scared, I don't know what to do now. Hana told me I should go where I am needed, and I could tell she was suffering too. It's all my fault!

_"Thank you, Hana-chan."_

I wanted to change things for the better. I took quick steps through the forest, trying as hard as I could to avoid the raised roots that tormented my feet. I needed to find him, Kyou, no matter what he looks like. He needs me to come find him.

I could smell the monster's stench. _Kyou's not a monster, he's inside there. Kyou's not a monster. He's not a monster! _

I could see him, the massive grotesque form of Kyou. He had two large, brown hands clasped over his eyes, and a grumbling growl came from inside him. I stumbled on the ground of the forest clearing and watched at him look up to me, taking the hands away from his eyes. He growled.

I noticed that Yuki was behind him, watching the scene in front of him. As Kyou made a sudden movement towards me, Yuki bolted from his position and clamped his arms around one of the creature's massive arms. Enraged, he spun his arm, taking Yuki with him. Yuki held his ground, even when Kyou's other hand sliced through Yuki's shirt and into his shoulder. "Honda-san, tell him! Tell him what you feel, hurry!" He begged as his feet slid in the slick mud with the pressure. The rain had stopped, but every surface was still wet.

Still frightened, I walked forward and reached out one of my hands. Kyou seemed to flinch, but Yuki was still holding on to him. I leaned closer and linked my elbow around his, he was slimy to the touch. But I held him.

_"You know, you're allowed to tell people what you are feeling and what you want."_

"Come on, you suck. I'll help you."

"Don't be such a space-cadet! I don't want you to get kidnapped!"

"Just be yourself."

All I could think of was the Kyou that had taught me so much about life. He would always be special to me. Just like Okaa-san, he gave me lots of advice that I couldn't have lived with out. My Kyou.

"Kyou-kun, please. I want to tell you that I need you to be here with us, with me. I want us to be at home together, eating meals together and talking together. But mostly, I want to listen to what you have to say. I want to care about you, even if I am scared right now. Even thought I'm afraid, I don't want to look away from you. I want to stay with you, always." I tightened my arms around him as my tears started to fall again. I couldn't help it. I closed my eyes, not bothering to wipe away my tears. "Kyou..."

The arm that I held seemed less rough and slimy as time went on, it even began to feel soft. "You...looked at me. Even if you were scared, I know that you saw who I really was." Kyou's normal voice. I opened my eyes to see the form of Kyou that I knew so well. He was looking towards the sky as he spoke.

I couldn't help but smile. He was back. He looked down at me, and brought one hand to my face to wipe away my tears in a fluid motion. He smiled, and before I knew it I found myself enveloped in his arms. A hug. With a familiar cloud of orange dust, I held the soft cat to my body.

He was definitely back.

That night, I dreamed wonderful dreams of living with my family, whom I've grown to love a lot. Okaa-san, please be proud of me.

**Session 15 - Akito - Losing Control**

The Sohma Family is still within my reach; the mere sight of me makes shivers run down their spines. They owe me their lives, for without me, they would not exist. Yet, I don't seem to have the same hold on them as I used to.

That's why they needed this 'reminder' that they belong to me. That girl, that ugly girl Tohru, she's taking them all away from me. I want to show them that they can never escape, never find happiness. They think that they can be free, but I will show them that she's just like everyone else in this land, a useless outsider!

She was weaker than I thought when I went out there to see her reaction. She was a pathetic fool, I knew a girl like her wouldn't matter. Those little animals have all taken a liking to her in one way or another. She's given them a taste of happiness, and now I get to take their happiness away - nothing is forever.

I received a call from Shigure, one day after the bead incident. He wanted to set up a meeting for me and Tohru. From the call, it seems that the dog has allowed her to remain at his house despite the fact that I made it clear to Tohru that she could never belong with us. They're all turning to her; can't they see that I'm protecting them from the pain that will happen to them outside of this family? Foolish creatures.

Now it's time for her to learn that she will be causing them more harm.

They arrived later in the day for the meeting. I rested in front of the door which led to the large garden outside of my room. I would stand before them when I wanted, not when they wanted.

Tohru knelt on a floor cushion with a determined, calm expression on her face. On either side of her, Yuki and Shigure stood wearing their best clothes. Behind Tohru stood Hatori, who appeared to be lost in thought as he stared at the ceiling.

I stood up, and everyone's attention focussed on me. What a feeling to control the gazes of another. I walked deliberately slow until I was standing not far away from Tohru. I asked her why she wanted to see me, but she only looked at me, seemingly unresponsive. Finally, she said that she didn't know, and that angered me. I tried not to show it. It didn't work.

"Who are you? Who are you to think you can change anything?" I spat out, daring her to speak.

She stared at me. "...Honda Tohru?" _ Mother told me to always be myself. Kyou did too. I'll do my best for everyone. _

That was not the response that I wanted. Letting my instincts take over, my hand left my side and found itself entangled in her hair. She let out a distressed sound. I pulled her head close to mine, bringing her ear close to my lips. I told her in loud whispers that she was useless, that she had no worth when it came to people like us, that she deserved all the pain that was inflicted onto her. If I had the power, I would have cursed her myself for trying to interfere. Her eyes were shut tight, and fear played across her features. I smiled, familiar power running through my veins. Still in control.

Immediately, my body was held back. Shigure and Yuki had run up to me, each holding apart of me - Shigure held me around the middle, and Yuki grabbed one of my arms. Yuki was visibly shaken, but it was different than the fear he used to show me. He would never stand against me, I was losing control over him. I know it's because of her. Damn her. And Shigure, the one I had trusted the most to keep his eyes on Yuki and Kyou in his home, he's betrayed me too. They should be helping me punish this outsider. That's the way it's supposed to be! The way it's been for centuries!

I wouldn't let go so easily. I still had Hatori on my side. He still stood in his standing position on the other side of the room, apparently in shock. "Erase her memories! Leave nothing there but pain and suffering!"

His eyes widened. He stepped a few steps towards her, but stopped.

"Hatori!" I repeated. Still, he made no move towards us.

"Akito...-san...." Tohru's soft and scared voice came from the mound of hair that I held in my free hand. I couldn't see her face. "I'm sorry. I just wanted... I just wanted you to know...that I was thinking about what you told me. About how you bear the full weight of the curse. About how that you will die early...just so that the others can live. I can't pretend that I understand the curse, I know that would be disrespectful to say that I did. But I want to say... that everyone will care about you when you are gone. I thought you would want to know that."

I stared at her, pulling her hair so that I could see the tear-stained face. "Care? No one cares about me, they can't wait for me to die! You're right, you don't understand at all."

"I can't say for certain what they all think, but I know I will always care about you. You were kind to me, letting me stay at Shigure's house when I had no where else to go. I'm scared right now, but I don't mind, because I know that you're kind under your exterior." She closed her eyes again, a tear running down her left cheek. "Thank you."

I kept on staring at the girl kneeling before me. She had thanked me, me of all people, for being myself. What a foolish girl she was, I had caused harm to her, yet she still had that slight smile on her face when she spoke. Surprised at my own actions, the hand that gripped her hair loosened its hold. The pressure on the roots of her hair was lifted, and she looked up to meet my eyes.

I turned my face away, not wanting to see her sitting before me anymore. My captors seemed relieved, and Shigure ceased to hold so tight. I took the chance to break free from their hold, but I did not harm her again. I walked out past my caged birds, through the open sliding doors, and out onto the porch. 

Glancing up at the blooming trees that still held the morning's dew, I called back inside the room.

"Honda Tohru-san. Just go back where you belong."

Then I slid the door shut so I could have my privacy until they vacated the premises.

**Session 16 - The Sohma Family - To Be Free To Choose**

A pure white bird sat on its perch inside a gorgeously delicate cage. Made from the most fine of metals, its wire frame wrapped around it in equal parallel lines until the top, where each circle became smaller to create a dome shape. At its peak, a simple mound of copper had been moulded into the shape of a diamond. Several other birds sat in the white bird's company. With the white bird included, there were fourteen small winged creatures - each one with its own unique variation. All their lives that had wanted to leave, to be free of their master. The white bird truly did not seem belong with the others who were all so special. The cage was decorated to prove that they were too different to be with those other birds that could be seen on the other side of the metal.

Pale but shaky hands opened a clasp on the cage's door, leaving the separate frame open for the white bird to leave. The pallid bird simply stayed on its perch, watching its master with awe. He walked away from the cage, but the bird remained inside. It studied the face on its master again, trying to understand. His dark bangs covered his eyes, clouding his emotions.

Given the opportunity to flee, it remained inside its home. With its beak, it pulled the door closed. Together, the fourteen birds could live in peace.

Because even though it was like a rice ball in a fruits basket, it now belonged.

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**Author Notes:**   
Chapter 5, Sessions 14 - 16; Uploaded June 25th 2003.   
_Wow, this came out a lot longer than it was originally intended. At first, I was just going to do small perspective pieces for that night by focussing on the thoughts of Tohru, Kyou, Yuki, Kagura, Shigure and Akito. But then inspiration hit for the central Kisa/Haru/Hiro triangle for the middle arc, and the words just came out of my fingers. Whee. I hope that my portrayal of the characters' thoughts were realistic. I did my best to do so. I really hope that you liked this piece of fiction, as it took me a long time to write. This is why there hasn't been an update for my other Fruits Basket fan fic "Seeking Solace" in a while. ^_^;; Eep. Reviews would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading! =3_   
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.


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